Mirai made her first shoot with us in 2014, and in 2015 decided she’d like to have her first sexual experience with another woman on-camera. Mirai wrote this piece for us in August 2021.
Imagine this: it’s been a couple of years since you last really gave all of this a lot of thought. Your life has been busy and throwing a lot of curveballs your way. So, when you’re checking your mailbox for a confirmation or another and suddenly there is this email asking about an experience you never expected to recall. My first sexual experience with a girl… Well, in my case I suppose it was my first sexual experience with anyone that counted really. At first I was just surprised and then it got me thinking. Have I ever told anyone why? Or really thought about what it meant for me at the time? The only answer to those questions is a no, but with a question mark. Of course I had given it some thought and I’ve wanted to talk about it. But really who do you tell that you choose to have your first time being on camera with a, albeit lovely and incredibly hot, girl? Not my, prone to jealousy, partner and not my proper upper middle class friends that get uncomfortable with the level of nudity in The Titanic. Which leaves no one.
I guess what I am trying to say, in my characteristically long winded manner, is that I never really shared my story with anyone. Which means that everyone invested now is going to be in for a long and possibly rambly ride where I take you through the whole process. Grab a drink, sit down comfortably and enjoy the ride!
To really understand where I am coming from and how this thought process went I need to take you back a little further than just the girl-girl shoot and all the way back to when I decided to first shoot with Abby Winters. Yes, all the way back when. Because initially I was only going to do one shoot, similarly to donating blood to overcome my fear for blood and needles. I was going to do one as a sort of liberation celebration and to confront and learn to love my body the way it is rather than the way I or others would want it to be. Though after I did the one I found that I loved it so much that I wanted to do more. To explore more and one thing let to another and the rest is internet history or at least a good Tinder bio.
I can hear you think, but Mirai it seems like a big step to have your first time being like it was. Maybe you’re right. But it was the right choice for me. I’ve always been told to wait until I was married by my very evangelical surroundings and the media always told me that it should be special. But all this just put so much pressure on it that I never felt like things were right. That I was right. By choosing to do it this way I felt less pressured when the time came for me to share this with someone I wanted to be intimate with. Looking back I don’t think I would have been able to go through with it when the time came if I hadn’t gone through all of this. If I hadn’t learned, in my own way, to not be ashamed of my body and my sexuality I would not be where I am today. I’d probably still be holding onto my ‘modest is hottest’ upbringing.
Speaking of my sexuality.. Well, that is still a little not here nor there. Which is partly due to the fact that most labels confuse me just like pronouns do. I honestly don’t care much about what I’m called so I’m currently trying out She/They and maybe that sticks and maybe it won’t. But I’m getting distracted. I’ve almost always known that I’m not straight as a teen, back when I wasn’t too familiar with the alphabet mafia, I would Label myself bicurious. After this experience I started to question this more and more though it wouldn’t be until much later that I’d settle on pan being the closest thing to describe me. This partly because through my experience with AW that I’ve learned that the curiosity might be a little more than curious.
Something that played a big part in this revelation being my experience with Abby Winters that gave me the opportunity to discover this, in a comfortable, safe and controlled environment. Something I probably would never have dared to do in my day to day. I found out that girls are so much softer and sweeter than men. That their curves and edges are phenomenal and they sound incredible. Girls are amazing though I’ve also learned that despite being very attracted to girls and women physically. I have trouble dealing with them emotionally. They make me just ever so slightly uncomfortable and on edge which is great in spicy situations but not so much on a romantic basis.
My entire experience with AW is one that taught me a lot about myself and gave me a lot of confidence while having a good time as well. Every step of the way they were there to make things comfortable, fun and sexy. While my choices were unorthodox and not for everyone, I do not want to do it any other way.